Let's get Iris and Miles their own film, stat!

Image: The holiday

The season of festive cheer and good will is upon us and, amidst the seasonal reading, present wrapping and last minute festive crocheting (just me?), I will inevitably find myself cosying down with a hot chocolate to watch 'The Holiday' for the umpteenth time this season.

A renowned Christmas Classic for a reason, 'The Holiday' tells the story of Amanda, "loner, loser and complicated wreck" and Iris "very normal, neat-freak…single" as they exchange homes for Christmas in a bid to get away from their respective romantic woes.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love watching Jude Law’s Graham charm the pants off Amanda as much as the next hopeless romantic and I envisioned myself running through the snow-covered Surrey fields to my own devastatingly British beau growing up but, the older I get the more I find myself wishing for more screen time for Kate Winslet and Jack Black.

I found myself in the midst of ending a 9 month situationship on Saturday. That’s right, 9 months without even progressing from ‘talking to a guy’ to dating. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve cried, asked myself what I did wrong, and desperately checked the WhatsApp last seen status over those 9 months. Like Iris, I have found myself the poor recipient of unrequited affection. I too have whiled away hours wondering what I could do differently, forcing myself into the unfamiliar shape of ‘the cool girl’ so that he doesn’t know that every time I’m feeling ignored for the best part of a week my heart physically aches at how small and insignificant I feel.

Kate Winslet is my true hero of the film and she has some of the best lines. Now as I watch her say she’s ‘so aware’ of how pathetic she is, I no longer feel the sympathy and ‘good god don’t let me find myself making excuses for a man’ pity; I nod my head and say “same babe, same.” I find myself explaining to friends the reason I’ve chosen to give him one last chance and it’s true: I feel utterly pathetic. In truth, I can’t explain why I’ve stuck around for 9 months. I know that I deserve better, that I’m settling for the bare minimum, and that there will be somebody out there who can treat me the way I want and deserve. I know that I am kind, funny, intelligent and that his indifference or inability to consider my feelings is not because of me, due to some flaw or lacking quality on my part. But here I am.

Hearing Iris describe the feeling of waiting for that person to “see the light and show up at your door” feels like a punch in the stomach. Waiting for them to notice you, remember that you exist and treat you with some human decency even though you know it’s entirely redundant is one of the hardest parts of the whole thing. I know that Iris is right: I’ll excuse the behaviour that makes me cry and pretend I can’t see all the red flags surrounding him. And just when I’m about to call it quits, he’ll say something that will surprise me and make me think that maybe, just maybe he’s the exception. I know he’s not, that my friends are right and it’s not healthy to stay, but, as Iris says, when they actually come through “you lose that argument with yourself.”

As dreamy as the love story between Graham and Amanda is, there is something heartachingly beautiful in watching two people trying desperately hard to heal themselves find one another.

I know Miles gets a lot of hate, and I have yet to decide where I stand on that one, but hearing him tell Iris that if she was a melody, he “used only the good notes” made my little heart clench and it’s a little embarrassing how much that line can make me cry now. It may seem small, but when you’ve spent an age waiting for that person to see you the way you see them, only to be let down time and time again, the very act of somebody truly knowing you and valuing you feels momentous.

I have a confession: I did not end the situationship. I followed the exact pattern that Kate Winslet describes, all the while knowing that it wouldn’t end well and I’d probably spend the best part of Christmas going over and over our interactions as I wonder why somebody who actively pursued me first can be so indifferent and nonchalant.

I don’t know why I accept it but what I do know is that eventually, I’ll watch The Holiday to mope along with Iris, square my shoulders and say that enough is enough. And finally, I’ll tell him that it’s done and It’ll be “something slightly resembling gumption.”

Image: The Holiday